You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
