sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
