I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
