plz talk dirty to me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
