And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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