Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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