i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
