she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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