My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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