So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
