i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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