Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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