Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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