i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
