dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
