oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
