We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
