ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
