I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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