I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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