Your face is a jimmy john
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
