fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
