i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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