He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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