guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
