So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
