Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
