you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
