Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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