His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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