If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
