lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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