day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
