She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
