What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
