Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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