i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
