Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
