He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
