Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
