beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
