I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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