i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
