I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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