Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
