The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We had sex on a dog bed..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
