If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
