I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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