He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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