She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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