So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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