so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
