i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
