wakey wakey hands off snakey
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
