i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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