so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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