What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
